I feel it is best to describe the levels of The Wave. The idea of The Wave is that the feelings of the need and desire go up and down over time.
I am sure most of us go through The Wave. Some might get stuck at some point on The Wave but it is important to understand this is all part of suffering from BID and what it is all about. In general, the intensity of one’s feelings goes up and down over time. The intensity of how obsession to get what one feels they need for their body to go through what we call “The Wave .”
Here is how I see the levels of what one goes through. Each level can last a long time or may come and go in a short time but most do go through such changes from time to time. I guess this is so one can get some relief from the obsessive feeling at the bottom, and then it comes back and it is all one can think about at the top.
So, this is how I define the levels that I see as part of The Wave.
• Super Top.
This is not usually talked about but I feel that it is part of what some do experience. At the Super Top, one is totally obsessed with what they feel they need for their body to be. They can get so desperate to achieve their need that they may get depressed, and think of doing dangerous DIY things to get what they feel they need. Some get suicidal which is very bad but the intensity can get so great for some that they get to this point.
• The Top of The Wave.
This is where most people get to at times. One is totally obsessed with getting their need. There is great mental pain from not being how they feel they need to be. About half the people also feel physical pain in their affected limb(s). Their lives are affected by the constant thoughts and it affects their productivity since they can think of nothing else but their need for their body. It is very hard to deal with.
• The Middle.
One’s need is more of a desire than a strong need. The obsession is not as great as the top but one still thinks about their need a lot. It is more of a want than a true need. You still want it but it is a little easier to deal with since the obsession is not as strong.
• Bottom of The Wave.
At this point, the need becomes more of a nice-to-have than a full need. One thinks about it but it is not as obsessive as it is at the other levels. This is the easiest level to deal with. The need is still there but more at the back of one’s mind. So, one still thinks about it but it is not as much of an obsession as the other levels. It is best if one can get here and stay but it usually does not last forever. One usually does go back up again. For sure this level is relief from the worse of it.
BID does cause mental harm to the sufferer so it is wrong when the medical community says “First Do Not Harm”, one who is suffering from BID is already being harmed. Those who achieved their need seem to be quite relieved from the harm BID causes people. They all seem quite happy with no regrets.
My description of “the wave” is a bit different.
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BID is omnipresent. Doesn’t matter when or where, the discomfort becomes noticeable and you can react. The only difference is how long you think about it. This is either put it at the back of your mind at that moment and carry on with whatever you’re doing, ie being busy with work etc, or dwelling on it. I can multitask most of the time but I have also dwelled upon it too.
Bottom of the wave for me is the that I am not as depressed about my need. I just go on about my business and interests without being so emotional.
Middle of the wave is when I feel the need getting stronger. It occupies more time and space than it should. It occurs gradually sometimes and quicker at others depending on outside factors. Stress seems to be the key factor. More stress you have the quicker the progression to the top. Depression has increased but not to the point where you become unable to function normally.
Top of the wave, well…the need feels so strong that you start thinking about self harm. It preoccupies for the most part. I make more mistakes than usual as it can literally take over whatever you’re trying to do t that moment. It can paralyze your ability to function normally. You begin to think of ways it could happen. Desperation can make you think about things that you normally wouldn’t. Then there is the self loathing because you are thinking this way.Â
Length of time between each wave depends. A calm day the frequency of the waves can be few and far between and not getting too high. They increase just like when a storm blows in. Storms just like waves vary. How you weather them depends on the individual is my guess.Â
It seems to me that the older you get, these experiences (events, episodes or whatever term you use) get stronger. I have weathered some storms in my own lifetime, but lately they are nasty. Tsunamis is how I refer them to. They build up quickly and cause a lot of damage. They have taken a toll financially and relationship wise. I’m still cleaning up.Â
I think the medical community has to realize how bad it can get for a person who suffers from BID. People are being harmed by BID, and the only thing that can help is for one to get what they need for their bodies. People who have achieved are very happy and are free from this dysphoria. They must understand that.
