I feel it is best to describe the levels of The Wave. I've discussed this on Reddit /r/biid several times. The idea of The Wave is that feelings of need and desire go up and down over time. I am sure almost all of us experience it, but some might get stuck at the top, which is very bad.
I am sure most of us go through The Wave. Some might get stuck at some point, but it is important to understand that this is all part of suffering from BID and what it is all about. In general, the intensity of one’s feelings goes up and down over time. The intensity of one's obsession with getting what one feels one needs for one's body to go through what we call “The Wave.”
Here is how I see the levels of what one goes through. Each level can last a long time or may come and go in a short time, but most do go through such changes from time to time. I guess this is so one can get some relief from the obsessive feeling at the bottom, and then it comes back, and it is all one can think about at the top.
So, this is how I define the levels that I see as part of The Wave.
• Super Top.
This is not usually talked about, but I feel that it is part of what some do experience. At the Super Top, one is obsessed with what they feel they need for their body to be. They can get so desperate to achieve their need that they may get depressed, and think of doing dangerous DIY things to get what they feel they need. Some get suicidal, which is very bad, but the intensity can get so great for some that they get to this point.
• The Top of The Wave.
This is where most people get to at times. One is totally obsessed with getting their need. There is great mental pain from not being how they feel they need to be. About half the people also feel physical pain in their affected limb(s). Their lives are affected by the constant thoughts and it affects their productivity since they can think of nothing else but their need for their body. It is very hard to deal with at this level.
• The Middle.
One’s need is more of a desire than a strong need. The obsession is not as great as the top but one still thinks about their need a lot. It is more of a want than a true need. You still want it, but it is a little easier to deal with since the obsession is not as strong.
• Bottom of The Wave.
At this point, the need becomes more of a nice-to-have than a full need. One thinks about it, but it is not as obsessive as it is at the other levels. This is the easiest level to deal with. The need is still there, but more at the back of one’s mind. So, one still thinks about it, but it is not as much of an obsession as the other levels. It is best if one can get here and stay, but it usually does not last forever. One usually does go back up again. Certainly, this level is a relief from the worst of it.
BID does cause mental harm to the sufferer, so it is wrong when the medical community says “First Do No Harm.”  One who is suffering from BID is already being harmed. Those who have achieved their need are, for the most part, relieved from the harm BID causes people. They all seem quite happy with no regrets. They accept the challenges that come with being disabled and enjoy their proper body. The ICD-11 does describe this very well, but Dr. First did not use the term The Wave, nor was he aware of it.
I got into a fight giving this to a new person on the Remedy groups about this. He said he was a psychological scholar and that there is no such thing as a wave. He told me I should not give such information to a person because it does not exist as far as he is concerned. This is thus just another thing that the medical community misses about BID. It is important to understand how the obsessive feelings affect people who suffer from BID. The thing that people say this is part of me, and I need to be as my brain tells me I should be. There is no other way of getting relief for a person who suffers from BID but getting what they need for their body.
Thanks @johnsco21, this is one of the best descriptions I’ve read to date. Valuable contribution.Â
I have waves with my gender dysphoria and with my tactile OCD as well. With my gender dysphoria, I specifically have always desired to be intersex. When it comes to genitals, I have a "wave" that goes between various schemas, including complete absence and vagina+penis; a schematic wave. With my tactile OCD, the wave likes to spread into various parts of my body and it feels tense until I invoke the relief cycle; a translational wave. There is then the amplitudinal wave that you speak of for both as well. I have more discrete and consistent shifts from my DID with all of these aspects.
A curiosity of that latter part is that my amputation lines never change with identity; but the phase of the wave does. My amputation lines have remained the same as they were when I was a toddler. All of my identities are agender and asexual, as well. I find that so curious! Almost nothing else works that way for me. I believe there is some very fundamental reason to why my identity formed the way it did, and that wave you speak of was actually a big tip-off for me.
The amplitude wave have a phase depending on location, but I cannot recall any instances where the location translated. Unfortunately, multiple rare disorders can be hard on the doctors.
Thanks for this @johnsco21.Â
I agree that more research needs to be done on 'The Wave' to give it empirical traction, and just BID in general.Â
I have a few questions which you may (or may not) be able to help with.Â
Firstly, how common is the wave in your opinion? Is it universal, or is the dysphoria more uniform for others?Â
Secondly, I assume that some people skew differently on the wave continuum. Namely, some bounce between the super top and the middle, and some bounce between the middle and the bottom of the wave. Do you think I am correct in this assumption?Â
Finally, how long do wave periods span? Do some last longer than others? I'm wondering whether those at the top of the wave may consider self/black market surgery and make plans, until the intensity of their dysphoria relents and those plans seem less palatable to them.Â
I suppose you can only answer from your own experience and can't answer for everyone with BID, but I would be curious as to your opinion, nevertheless.Â
Thanks again!
Very good @mattw22. I have read most of the posts people have made over the years in the forums, so I got some insight into what people go through. People do then go up and down on The Wave, though some get stuck at the top. Very few get to the Super Top, as that would be very bad. People at the Super Top get depressed, and some are suicidal; we try to talk them down from suicide, as we do not want to lose anyone. It is a community, and we care about each other.
I would say most do go to the top at some point, though getting stuck there is really bad. At the top, it is all they can think about is getting what they need for their body. It can take over all of one's thoughts and affect how productive they can be, and affect relationships as well.
Dr. First, in the ICD-11, describes The Wave perfectly, even though he did not know the term wave:Â
Course Features:
- The typical course is for the intensity of the desire to become disabled and consequent functional impairment to wax and wane. There may be periods of time where the intensity of the desire and the accompanying dysphoria is so great that the individual can think of nothing else and may make plans or take action to become disabled. At other times, the desire to become disabled and the associated intense negative feelings abate, although at no time does it completely cease to be present.”
For sure, most people would love to contact a gatekeeper to get, as you called, black market surgery. It is very expensive if you cab get a gatekeeper that is. There was one guy who, a few months ago, used all his money to become a DAK amp; he got it “cheap” for $30,000 and is now broke, but you cannot imagine how happy he is rolling around in his wheelchair having two AK stumps. You cannot even begin to imagine how happy people who have achieved their needs are in accepting the challenges of being impaired.Â
It is such a desirable thing to get what one needs, and the people who do achieve are relieved of the harmful dysphoria. The dysphoria of BID is similar to what people who suffer from GD go through.  We have many people who are also trans in the BID community. They say the feelings are similar.
It is hard to say how long one stays in a part of The Wave. One can go up and down on the same day, but at other times one can get stuck.Â
It is so hard to imagine how one suffers from BID. One has a need, but even lower on The Wave, one thinks that they should be desirable to be as such, but it is not as consuming as it is at a lower level on The Wave. The ones who achieve are so happy, and the only regret they have is not being able to achieve it sooner. It is just so desirable to get what one needs for their body.Â
As for me, I had dropped all the way down about 3 years ago. I know because I wrote about it on Reddit at the time.  I went from the top all the way down at that time and have only at times gone back to the middle. When I was at the top of The Wave, I would think Why can't I be as such as well. I do not feel the need now, but I still think it would have been desirable to be an amputee. Maybe if I had achieved 20 or 30 years ago, it would have been good. Cannot explain why, but that is how BID is. It is just so crazy, but one has a need, and it is so hard to get there safely.Â
We have people on the forums who used dry ice to achieve amputation. It is painful, but as much as there are dangers, it is the safest way to go, since you cannot get anyone to make you an amputee. Just do not say you did it because you suffer from BIID, then they will refuse to amputate. Is being an amputee that bad? One needs what they need. People see people as they want to be envious, and why not?  It makes it seem that it is possible to be as such, so why not me as well? Â
We also have people trying to go deaf and blind. Those who want to be paraplegic find it harder to achieve, but they find that using a wheelchair full-time has helped them with the dysphoria. Pretending may help, but it is still not like getting the body one actually needs to have.
So that is it. People need to have the body they feel they should have. They are being harmed by the dysphoria that one suffers from BID. There is only one cure, and that is to get what one needs for their body.  As much as I fell all the way down there, there were only maybe two or three others who had. Most stay at some point on The Wave, and it is so hard to get what one needs. Yes, being an amputee would have been good. I think that is how I should have been, but I just do not feel the need now.
