I hope the participants of this group are doing well! My name (pseudonym) is Espartan55, I’m a straight man, 60 years old, and I live in Brazil. I’m a participant in a few BID forums—Fighting-It (Groups.io ) and bid-dach.org —but I was more active on the now-defunct Biid for Freedom forum and realized I’ve reconnected with some people here.

I realized something was “wrong” with me as a child (8-10 years old) when I admired a SAK amputee who walked past my house almost every day. The sound of her crutches hitting the ground and the sight of her exposed stump (she always wore a dress) brought me indescribable feelings. In my youth, I began to realize I was attracted to leg amputees, preferably DAK amputees, but I only had the opportunity to interact with amputees after my divorce at age 40. Between youth and adulthood, before marriage, I already felt the need to pretend to be an amputee, without fully understanding that the need was to actually become an amputee. My ideal body image fluctuated from SAK/RAK (which emerged in childhood/adolescence) to DAK, which became established over 25 years ago.

I have irregular bouts with this “wave,” and it’s currently at its lowest point. I never shared my need to become an amputee, even after extensive online research and finally identifying with the BID condition. However, a few years ago, I dated a DAK amputee and confided my secret to her. To my surprise, she understood what I felt and desired and supports me in achieving my goal. Today, I’m still divorced and live alone in a small apartment, living a quiet, modest, but relatively comfortable life. I have a wheelchair that I use to fake my wish and relieve the pressure from the BID while my wish waits for me to come true.

I’m an administrative employee and I’m due to retire in four years. My parents are no longer alive, and my relatives are very distant (in time and space, lol), but I have an adult son with whom I speak more frequently (who, ironically, is a doctor). Therefore, I’m independent and have no ties that require me to give any explanations about my life. As some friends say: “You don’t even have a bird to give water to,” lol.

Therefore, I understand that today is the perfect moment to fulfill my wish of becoming a DAK amputee, eternally dependent on a wheelchair (I don’t want to use prosthetics), the only thing missing is a kind-hearted Brazilian surgeon who can do what needs to be done. That said, I hope to meet nice people and discuss this common topic in a constructive, positive, and respectful manner.

Now, I apologize for any mistakes or confusion this presentation may cause readers. My native language is Portuguese, and I frequently use Google Translate. A warm hug to everyone!