Hello, my name is Toto and I struggle with BID like the other users on this site. Its very nice to have found somewhere to talk and find information! I'm a system and 2 other of my members also deal with BIID, but this is MY introduction.

For me, my ring finger on my right hand feels alien. It isn't mine, I need it off me. I swear I'm only suppose to have 3 fingers and my thumb. I would give anything for this finger to be off of me.

Its very hard everyday seeing my hand that doesn't even feel like mine. Its apart of my body sure, but to call it mine feels like such a stretch. It doesn't look right, or feel right. When I hold things I imagine what its like to hold it and have a space in-between my fingers where the ring finger is. 

Unfortunately, or fortunately, the finger is almost completely numb. I've engaged in some foolish activities that have damaged the nerves, however, to me this feels like a success.

I've only been suffering for about 4 months but the feelings are intense, and mind consuming. Sometimes its all I can think about, I wake up with a hand that isn't correct and it ruins my day. When the feelings first came on, I believed they might subside, however, that was not the case- it just gets worse and worse and I get more serious. I consider how it'll change the way I function and its all worth it to me. The mental and psychical pain of it all is excruciating.

One of my other alters has more extreme desires such as losing our arm and leg as well as teeth and all our fingers. But I won't speak for him.

Anyways, I hope whoever is reading this has a good day and knows they're not alone, no matter what you go through.